Bourbon and Tears
|Coco the Glam Girl|
On Saturday we had to put our 14 year old Lhasa to sleep. It was a hard decision to make but it was the right decision. She was deaf. She was arthritic. She suffered from stage C mitral valve insufficiency with controlled congestive heart failure.. She was on Lasix, Vetmedin and Viagra for her heart; Proin for incontinence; Rimadyl for her arthritis. 10 pills a day in all.
I understood—her heart was enlarged, she was losing weight, her kidneys, from the combined effects of heart disease and many meds, were dying. She was failing. My head understood this but my heart, breaking, did not. The heart wants what the heart wants and there in her vet’s office, my heart was tumbling over in my chest in a fit of want. I wanted Coco to stay, even as I knew she could not.
I remembered sitting in the yard earlier in the day holding her and looking up at the sky which was cloudless and very blue and wondering: if I just sit here and hold her and refuse to move, will time stand still?
I’m a writer. People sometimes die in my stories. Generally any character’s death makes me sad but
I know why he or she had to
die. I know that their story is over. I didn’t understand why my sweet dog had
to die, didn’t understand why her story had to end so soon. I just didn’t. I
can accept it but I will never understand it.
|Coco in her spot beside my desk|
|Stanley & Coco|
In time I will stop grieving. But I will never forget.